First pregnancy

I had this all typed out waiting to post, I am still going to share as we were so excited...

So about two weeks ago we found out we are expecting!!! I had blood tests and they came back definitely positive!!! I went back for another round of tests and the levels are rising appropriately. Which is so so very exciting!!! I am going back for a third round to see when I can get my first scan. They want to make sure everything is good, I will then be transferred from the infertility specialist back to the OB.

I went out and bought a little baby thing the weekend we found out we were expecting. I am so so excited that we get to start buying little baby things :) Now time to get everything ready!

My biggest pregnancy symptom has been exhaustion! I am so tired. I've been taking naps and I NEVER take naps. Every so often I get little cramps but the doctor said it is from the baby growing.

Evan is excited too! He is already working on a budget for baby stuff and baby's first year. Ive done my research, printed off my check lists and trying to get ready for the upcoming events.

Our current due date is September 28th 2012. That may change when we get our first scan.

Well all of that changed when I got my blood tests back on Wednesday. The Pregnancy hormone had started to decline. This usually means miscarriage. Up until then I was feeling great, tons of energy, too much. We were devastated when the results came in. Evan was trying to keep the hope and so was I, but it seemed so hopeless.

We went to dinner and did a couple other things to try to get our minds off what was about to come. We had a great time together. It was truly better quality time with each other than we have had in a couple weeks, and for that I am definitely Thankful.

Well we went to bed at about 10:30 last night but I couldn't fall into a deep sleep. About 1 in the morning I started bleeding. I called the doctor's answering service, they told me to go to the hospital. So we went, the pain and bleeding got worse. Some of the worst pain I have ever felt. They gave me some medication for the nausea and cramps. They did an exam and an Ultrasound but they didn't find a baby. They said I had already miscarried.

We finally got to leave at about 8:30 am. Evan took me home and went right to work. At 2:30 he came home to take me to my follow up appointment at the doctor. The poor guy has a terrible cold and has not slept in 3 days. It is proof of the wonderful man I have. He is such a good husband. He made sure he was there when and where I needed him. He has finally passed out on the couch and I suspect he is going to sleep a while.

We only knew about our baby for 2 weeks. It was still enough time to get attached. And well now we have an Angel Baby waiting for us in Heaven.

We still have a lot to get through, a lot to figure out, but the doctor gave us hope. We will be able to have a family. I am just learning that sometimes we really have to fight harder than we ever knew we could to get what we want.

It will all work out. I believe God has some big things in store for us, we just cant quite see it yet. So we will have to support and encourage each other until then.

Until next time I update, please say lots of prayers for strength and healing.
Thank you

Time

Time seems to pass so incredibly slow. Waiting for the next cycle to start (but hoping it doesn't), Waiting to start the next round of medication, waiting to Ovulate, Waiting to increase meds.... the time seems to go by so slowly.

However when I look back to when we started the process it seems like yesterday. We are approaching 1 year of active infertility treatments, 17 months since we first approached the doctor. in the past year we have had many many tests, a few different medications tried, and the many cycles. I feel like we are getting closer to the finish line one way or another, however we are so far away. There is no telling the amount of time this could take.

Its really difficult to make decisions to move life forward because this is so uncertain. I have thought about going back to school to get my masters degree, which I plan on doing regardless of how this turns out. However if I get it all started and enrolled and find out we are expecting, that would throw a monkey wrench in the plan. I would want to wait until our kids are in school or something. If we move on to adoption and we are in the process of moving from this house, that would be difficult to have home visits and such. . . Our life plans can are are being held up by the uncertainty of the whole infertility thing. I feel stuck. One thing that is certain though, I do have a wonderful husband who is very supportive and will be there with anything I choose to do. Now I just have to decide. Move on with life and continue to do infertility in-spite of what may happen, or focus efforts on the most important thing in our future, our family. I feel like you can have have all the money, education, and time in the world, but if you dont have relationships or family to share it with, it is all for nothing.

The feeling of the day

accidental scan.

Had a accidental scan, They said things still weren't at the level they should be, but very close. On the up side, I was not charged for it because they suggested it. I was thankful for it because it proved that I do have eggies. :)

I learned one of my favorite movies is Father of the bride 2. LOVE IT :)