Educating on infertility

Infertility is something that is so secretive that few understand the effects it has on a couple.

I have seen some who are not going through infertility criticize and try to tell me how to feel. Telling me that I am a bad person because  I have trouble being around a baby or pregnant ladies. Who are they to tell me how to feel?

I know that it is sometimes difficult to read into tone over text. Know that this is not yelling, I am not angry with anyone reading this. I want to educate people and give them a glimpse into what infertility looks like. I am not angry because people do not understand. I only get angry when someone believes that my feelings are wrong, but have never had to suffer through the torture of infertility.

So please read below, I think it might help you understand a bit more what we go through each month.

First and foremost

Infertility is not my diagnosis. It is a diagnosis of the couple. Evan and I are diagnosed with infertility. It may be my body that doesn't do what it should, But I sure wouldn't be able to conceive without him..

Infertility is not just a physical diagnosis, it effects every part of our life... 

Let me elaborate...

It affects my self esteem- I have trouble looking at my self and liking what I see.

It affects my self worth - I had always beleived that I would be a mother. Evan even told me that a part of the reason he married me was because I would be a good mother. . . Now I cant even get there, so whats the point?

It affects my motivation - I have trouble caring about anything but the infertility

It affects my focus - I am constantly researching for answers

It affects our marriage- The stress causes little arguments that can often lead to bigger arguments.

It affects my relationship with God- I sometimes struggle with the part God plays in this. Why hasnt he answered my prayers yet?

It affects my relationship with others- I hate going to family functions where babies, baby bellies are going to be there... I should have that... Its not that I am not happy for them, Its that I am so sad for us.

 It affects my privacy - I have had exam after exam (vaginally) as many as 3 in a weeks time. 

It affects our sex life - Suddenly things are very scheduled, we are told when to and when not to be intimate. Romantic right?

It affects our finances - We are still in the beginning of treatments and we are paying about $1,000 a month for medications, doctor bills, counseling sessions ect.

It affects our plans - We have trouble planning much. Everything has to co-inside with the treatments and appointments. The trouble with that is you often don't know when the appointments will be until a week before. But even that can change over night.

Infertility is something we can not "just get over", We can not "just adopt"  And "just relax" is an impossibility when you have to go through everything I listed above.

Studies have shown that the diagnosis of Infertility is something that is completely devastating and compares to that of a tragic loss.

Some very helpful thing to say....

How are you?

Call me if you ever need to vent.

Want a hug?

Lets go shopping!

Want to just hang out and watch a movie?

How are things going? (if you get a one or two word answer, I am probably not in a good place that day...Other days I am dying to talk about it. )

Let me know what I can do to help.

Now I would Love to answer any questions one may have about infertility. If I don't know if the answer I would definitely try to find it.  I will explain the process we are going through, or if you need some resources on infertility to help others you know who are going through the same thing I can give them...