WHY?

It is difficult to look at WHY this might have happened.

No Mother-to-be should have to endure the pain of losing not only the baby, but losing the plans she had for the baby, the hopes she had for the baby, the dreams, and for some, losing everything she worked so very hard for.

Why is simply a question we ask in attempt to comfort ourselves. Yes, there are practical reasons to find out why this might have happened. Reasons may include trying to prevent miscarriage in the next pregnancy, to see if there are things that may have happened to prevent future fertility. However beyond that I have a hard time finding it important enough to think about.

To me it doesn’t matter much why it happened, but that it did happen. I didn’t just lose a pregnancy. I lost my baby. I lost my first born, my child. I lost the dreams I had for the baby, for our family; I lost my plans; I lost myself.

This will change a person. The loss of Mercy has changed me more than I thought it could. I am still in mourning and I am not entirely sure how it has changed me, I just know I have been changed to the core. I am working to find who I am through this. However, as strange as it may seem, I more than welcome whatever change happens. That change in me will be the lasting Impression left by Mercy. Mercy is so important to me, and will always be. I Love and miss Mercy so very very much.