2 weeks

It has been two weeks since we lost Mercy.
I often think of how far along in the pregnancy I would be today. What we would be doing to prepare for the arrival of our first.

Things have been getting better. The freak outs are becoming less and less. I tend to freak out about things that have nothing to do with the baby, for example taking out the garbage. Evan will get reamed for not doing it. I will blow it up into something huge, After about an hour of arguing I realize that isn't really what is bothering me. Then I apologize to him and he is always very forgiving. He completely understands what I am dealing with.

I am however, ready to get back into a routine. That should happen by Sunday. The routine is very comfortable and that is what I need right now. Evan is also going to be starting his Monday through Friday this coming week too. This will be nice, now we will have the same days off and we can relax together.

I have to say that this is definitely one of the hardest things anyone could go through. I just hope we are the couple who gets stronger because of it and not the couple who is torn apart. I see a little of both in us. Though I see us becoming stronger more than the freak outs. We are beginning to figure out how to go through this as a couple and not individuals.

The statistics say that after one miscarriage your risk does not go up any. This gives me a little hope. Also the fact that I know who is in charge, and his plan is best for all.