Copeing

Losing a baby is very difficult. It doesn't matter if you knew about the baby for a day or 40 weeks. It has been one week since we lost our baby. I was 5 weeks 6 days pregnant when we lost the baby. We had exactly 26 days with Mercy, which was too little time together. We knew about our first child for 13 days, yet we learned to love in a deeper way than we ever thought possible.

Sitting at dinner last Wednesday, when we knew what was about to happen, we decided that our baby deserves a name just like any baby. We decided on Mercy. We dont know if the baby was a boy or girl but we feel Mercy fits.

Thinking about the baby I try to imagine whether boy or girl, if Mercy would have a funny baby or pretty calm. Would Mercy have been compassionate? Would Mercy love the farm like Evan does? All these things we will never know. Talking about it is still very difficult. We miss really our baby.

Mercy didn't get a birth certificate like all other babies so we created one. Its not a birth certificate but a soul certificate. We have it in a pretty frame and hung it on the wall. It is about the only thing we have to remember our first baby by. Mercy was here for such a short time we dont even have an ultrasound to remember by.



No baby we will ever have will replace our first baby, nor do we intend to try to replace Mercy. We will just attempt to grow our family more. We will pray that we get to spend more time with our second child. Hopefully get to know our next baby, feel baby kick, learn their personality, and hold baby in our arms.

We have a baby who was born directly into Heaven, into the arms of Jesus. In that I try to find comfort.